If You Can't Hang
by citiznkimberly
Summary: Wayne had taught her to overcome everything else, but she couldn't overcome this one. Not this time. Trigger warning. AU


**Hey guys! So here is a oneshot of some sort and I'm sorry if it brings down some of you guys' mood or anything. Seriously Ive been feeling really shitty these past few months and even for my birthday, I couldn't even cheer myself up with a little ice cream and cake lol. But anyway, if you guys haven't noticed. Ive put three stories(?) on hold. Just due to the fact that my body's mental state is acting up. Like, the way Emily feels in this story is the way I have been feeling for two months now and as much as I try to erase those thoughts, I can't. Once again, I'm sorry for being a debby downer. It's just. . . fanfiction is the only place where I feel like I can really tell people what's going on in my life but not really tell them. There are people too but I can't talk to those people right now because why? Oh yeah, I'm a piece of shit.**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the story! I did not edit this before I decided to publish it so, yeah. I'm sorry for the amount of depression, unedited works, and crying that happens in this one shot and I love you guys so much! Mwah xoxo**

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Rating: M

 _She said we'd grown apart for sometime_

 _But then she found somebody new_

 _I hope Mrs Right puts up with all_

 _The bullshit that you do_

I sit there, tears rushing down my cheeks. But it was just yesterday we were cuddling. Just yesterday we were kissing. It was just yesterday that we were _perfect_. I don't understand what could have happened between then and now.

My phone rests inside the palm of my hand getting wet from my tears that fell from my eyes. Her message is still there in my peripheral.

From: _Babe 3_

To: You

 _We should just be friends. I hope you understand. The last thing I want is to do is cause you heartache, Em. See you in school._

Heartache? Is she talking about all those times that I was _worried_ about her whenever it took her hours to reply back to my text? When she would always decline my phone calls because she was _with a friend_?

The phone flew across the room as my anger grew. I pulled my legs in my chest and let the tears fall, introducing the sobs at the back of my throat. I shut my eyes. And the memories began.

 _I stood there. Her eyes on me, my eyes on her. My hands were trying to busy themselves with each other and my teeth suddenly became interested in my bottom lip._

 _"What's wrong, Em? You haven't spoken to me in two weeks. I was getting a little worried." The love of my life asked, her stare intense as she took a step closer to me._

 _I shook my head and my eyes were now focused on the way my hands were fidgeting. "I didn't expect you to notice."_

 _She narrowed her eyes. "Why wouldn't I? You're my friend."_

 _And there goes that crack in my heart. I shrugged it off, "I just have a lot going on, that's all. Nothing too harsh though. I promise." I spoke softly, my voice projecting hoarsly._

 _She took another step closer to me. God, another step closer and I swear I will lose my shit. Her hands went to her hips and she released a sigh. "I know you're lying."_

 _"I'm not."_

 _"You are."_

 _I sighed. "Paige, I'm fine. Don't worry about it." I turned on my heel and headed for the swings to hang out with Aria, Spencer, and Hanna. They were giving me questionable looks and I just shook my head._

 _I hand grabbed my wrist and spun me back around. "Please Emily. Tell me what's wrong. Did I do something wrong? Is it me?"_

 _Frustration built inside my body. "Why won't you leave me alone?" I asked harshly. "I said I was fine, okay? What don't you understand?"_

 _"Because you're my friend and I care about you!" She spoke softly._

 _I crossed my arms over my chest. "That's the problem!" I yelled, everyone in the park was now staring at me. Footsteps sounded from behind me. "I don't want to be your friend, Paige."_

 _"Emily, why don't we just go watch a movie or something?" Aria's voice said softly, her hand now sitting on my shoulder._

 _Paige took a step back, "What did I do?"_

 _I rolled my eyes. "I don't want to be your friend. I want_ more. _" My mouth spilled, "I hate seeing you and what's her name together in the hallways. I've been feeling like this for weeks now and as much as I'm trying to stop the thoughts from furthering, it continues to come back._

 _"I have feelings for you, Paige. I want to be with you. Like, a lot. But I don't want to ruin whatever you and_ her _have. You two seem really happy together . . . and I can't ruin that. I can't." I stopped, my vision blurry from the tears. Hanna's perfume flew into my nose and her hands wrapped around my waist to hug me from behind._

 _Paige's face was blank. Her expression was unreadable. She looked away from me and towards the crowd of people whom were now surrounding us. She took a step towards me. "Can I . . . Can I talk to you somewhere private . . . please?"_

 _Spencer stepped in front of me. "I don't think that's necessary, Paige. You've already done enough." Paige tried to take another step towards me, but Spencer blocked her. "I said_ not right now _."_

 _"Just let me talk to her. Please."_

 _Hanna leaned into my ear, "Let's go to Spencer's house and watch a movie, Em."_

 _I nodded and turned around towards Hanna and pulled her into a hug. "Thank you." My voice quivered. I broke the hug and headed towards the car, Aria's hand grabbing mine._

 _I could still hear Paige and Spencer arguing, their voices farthering as my distance increased. Hanna's car alarm sounded and my tiny friend opened the door for me._

 _My heartbeat was irratic and I was staring to wonder if I was going to pass out. The tears still strolled down my face, my throat closing from all the sobs that formed in my throat._

 _Yep, I'm screwed_.

I was now standing in front of my dresser holding a picture of my dad. He had always told me to be strong . . . for anything. And I had listened to him all those times. I listened to him when I took the training wheels off my bike, when he had let me where his green army jacket, when I had eaten those mushrooms that I was allergic to as a dare.

But why can't I listen to him now?

It hurts too much. Everything hurts. I slammed his picture back on my desk and fell to my knees. And the memories came back.

 _Four texts, eight missed calls._

 _Text Number One:_ Emily I need to talk to you. It's important . . . please. In person. _5:11 pm_

 _Text Number Two:_ You're not at Hanna's. _5: 16 pm_

 _Text Number Three:_ Not at Aria's. _5: 29 pm_

 _Text Number Four:_ Please don't leave Spencer's. Please. I'm on my way. _5: 34 pm_

 _"She's on her way over here." I whispered, my body moving just a little in order to get comfortable on Spencer's couch._

 _Spencer sighed. "Do you want to leave and go to Hanna's?" My eyes flew to the clock._

5: 45 pm

 _I shrugged my shoulders, my eyes half lid. "It's not use. She's going to end up talking to me eventually. You guys can't protect me all the time." My voice sounded defeated._

 _"That's true, but we can protect you now, Em." Hanna sat up and placed her hand on my thigh. "Do you want to talk to her?"_

 _My arms folded across my chest. "It doesn't matter anymore." A knock sounded from Spencer's back door and my friends sighed in unison. "I'll get it. Just go."_

 _Hanna, Aria, and Spencer stomped slowly up the stairs and I went to unlock the door for Paige. As soon as the doors opened, Paige pulled me into a tight hug._

 _My breath caught in my throat. Why was she hugging me? The hug loosened and the two of us went to sit back on the couch._

 _There was silence for about three minutes until Paige took a deep breath and turned fully towards me. She ran her fingers through her hair and licked the corner of her mouth._

 _She started. "Okay look, about what you said to me . . . your feelings aren't completely one-sided. I mean, when we first met, you were so cool and you made me laugh with all your jokes. You were like a breath of fresh air . . . I had the biggest crush on you._

 _"And if I'm being completely honest, I would like to think that we even flirted a little bit." she paused to catch my reaction._

 _I crossed my arms once again. "What about your girlfriend?"_

 _Paige scooted closer to me. "The more we talked, the more I didn't think you would like someone like me . . . and the thing with Sara just kind of stemmed off that."_

 _"But why didn't you just tell me? I would have told you the truth." I asked, my face softening._

I watched as the water flowed viciously in the bowl. I had saw on the internet that a warm bath was the cure for when you're having a bad day. I eyed the sink, the razor resting there so peacefully. I'm sure my dad wouldn't mind if I used it just for the day.

My pants fell from my body as I unbuttoned them. When I finished undressing, I grabbed the razor, the tears still streaming down my face, and placed it at the end of the tub.

My father's words echoed throughout my head. _Stay strong Emmy. Just stay strong. I love you Emmy. So much_. God, I wish he was here to tell me those words in person. Because my imagination isn't good enough.

Laying my head against the wall, letting the water soothe my body. I shut my eyes tightly, trying to erase the next memory . . . but it came anyway.

 _"I was scared that you didn't feel the same way." Paige grabbed my hand, giving it a tight squeeze. "Emily please, you have to understand where I'm coming from."_

 _The truth was, I did. I did understand where she was coming from. But I didn't want to. Why? Because how can someone say that they have feelings for me, but still decides that they want to continue their relationship with their current lover?_

 _"What are you going to do about Sara?" I asked, feeling her squeeze my hand one more time._

 _Paige stared down at my hand that she was holding hostage with hers, "I'm going to talk to her tonight. Tell her that she isn't the one for me . . . tell her that I'm a sucker for the most beautiful girl in the world."_

 _I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face after she had said that. Paige released my hand and scooted closer to me. She leaned into me, her lips lingering on mine. She whispered against my lips, "Can I kiss you, Emily?"_

 _She didn't even have to ask._

And the most heartbreaking part about this memory was that she broke up with me the same way she broke up with Sara . . . through text. I don't understand.

Was it because I was worried?

Was it because she thought I was clingy?

Was it because I asked her for help with my math homework?

Or was it because I told her that I loved her on the second day of us dating?

 _Maybe that was it_.

 _Or maybe it's because you're just a shitty girlfriend, Emily Fields. Duhhh._ My mind spoke. _You're such a loser._

"I know." I spoke back. My eyes landed on the razor and my hand reached for it. "I know." I repeated once more.

 _Stupid Emily. After only two years, she's done with you. You're worthless_.

"Yes I am." I responded. "No one is going to want me anymore anyway, right?" I stared at the waves of the water, my tears dripping into the warm water. "I'm such a fucking idiot . . . might as well just end it, yeah? Just . . . just fuck everything right?"

 _Look at you. Now you're getting the hang of it._ _Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it._

"I will." I shouted again. "I will. I will. I fucking will I swear to god." I held the razor close to my neck and shut my eyes tightly. "Come on Em, you can do it. You're strong. I mean, you've done it before." I said to myself as I pressed the blade farther into my neck.

"Emily!" A voice yelled from the other side of the door. "Emily, don't do this, okay? I love you. I love you. Hanna loves you. Aria loves you. Pam loves you. _Your dad_ loves you, Emily. Fuck Paige, okay? Please . . . please open the door."

 _Spencer._

"I'm done Spencer. I can't take this. It's over." My voice spoke.

My friend released a sigh from the door. "Don't say that. _Please_. Listen to me, Em please! I love you. I love you so much. You're amazing, okay?"

The razor still on my neck. "Paige broke up with me today. Did you know that? She's done with me, Spence . . . I fucking loved her!"

"Fuck her!" She yelled, anger radiating throughout her voice. "She doesn't know that she just lost the best thing that has ever happened to her. Emily Fields, you're brilliant and anyone would be lucky to have you."

Spencer kicked the door open with her foot and she rushed to my side. Before I had the chance to do anything, she grabbed the razor out of my hand and threw across the bathroom floor. I stared blankly at the water as her arms wrapped around my neck.

"Thank God." my friend breathed out. "I love you so much Emily. I love you _so fucking_ much. Please believe me." She broke the hug to look me in the eyes. "Emily, are you okay?"

 _Blackout_.


End file.
